no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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