I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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