if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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