it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
