I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
