fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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