Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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