weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
