ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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