just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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