My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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