Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
