I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
