It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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