it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
