there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
