How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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