I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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