Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
