I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This is my life. Enjoy the view
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
