Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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