Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
As shirtless as possible
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
