As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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