my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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