I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
