my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
