yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
