Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
