i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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