remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
