By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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