from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
