Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize