If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My balls are so social today.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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