Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
