my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize