Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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