I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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