Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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