also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
