You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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