Where is the hickey?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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