Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
