Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
