why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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