I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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