my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
