Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
