So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm just crazy horny about you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
