we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
