Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
