Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
