Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
