It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
