farters have to be the big spoon...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize