I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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