She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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