I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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