Whod you bang
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
