By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
