so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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