so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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