I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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