I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
