I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
